Loving You Is Easy, Even When You're Sad

[wetdreamelixr95]

Sometimes, Moony couldn’t continue what she was doing. She had to stop and watch ENA in whatever she was doing. That girl was like sunshine as far as Moony was concerned. Even more so since the incident.

That had terrified Moony. She knew ENA had some glitches in her emoCPU when they first began dating. A few ones and zeros would flip; sometimes at random, sometimes in response to a seemingly inane stimulus; and it would send ENA spiraling. It was something they could handle together until they couldn’t. Thinking about that made Moony’s stomach lurch, and the image of ENA’s grey, dulled-out face forced itself into her mind’s eye.

She reached out and put her hand on ENA’s shoulder. It was warm and yellow and there and safe. Moony sighed, breaking ENA out of her focus on her drawing.

“You okay?” She asked softly with a slight smile. Moony’s heart fluttered.

“Yeah, you’ve just been so absorbed in that I-NA” Moony replied, a joking edge in her voice.”I feel a little lonely” she admitted, this time without the joking edge. ENA grinned, closed her sketchbook, and snuggled up to her.

“Sorry, I’m a bit fixated” ENA apologized. Moony looked over the stacks of paper covered in doodles of what seemed to be multicolored, fluffy, beaked chicken nuggets that had taken over their coffee table. 

“I can tell. You’ve been doing so good” Moony praised, picking up some of the drawings and leafing through them. ENA had stopped drawing right before her “Gray Episode” as she called it. Now she was feverishly filling up page after page with bright colors and happy faces, day in and day out. ENA just smiled weakly.

“Let’s get a fancy dinner and celebrate this” Moony suggested, draping her arm around ENA’s shoulders. 

“Why are we celebrating?” ENA quizzed. Moony shifted uncomfortably, it was hard to still for her to admit how scared she had been. She pressed a kiss to ENA’s temple; half for the sheer sake of kissing her girlfriend, half to buy some time to collect her thoughts in a way that would protect her ego.

“You’ve just gotten better, and I think that’s worth celebrating you doof” Moony said, rolling her eyes. ENA’s smile widened and she nuzzled into Moony’s neck.

“That sounds acceptable” she affirmed. “Can we snuggle a little before you go to get it?” she pleaded.

“Of course, dork” Moony chimed, pulling ENA into her lap. The two of them sat together, rocking back and forth in silence for a while. ENA curled up into a ball in Moony’s lap, she could have fallen asleep there. She felt a familiar, yet scary tug prevent her from relaxing completely though, 

“Alright, Ey-nah. What do you want me to get?” Moony asked sleepily.  Having ENA in her lap made her so relaxed it became drowsiness sometimes. 

“Pupusa?” she offered as if it was a question after a few moments of thinking. 

“With extra coleslaw?” Moony teased, smiling at her own not-quite-a-joke . ENA crinkled her nose in disgust and recoiled.

“It’s not colesl-” she began to protest before being cut off by Moony sneaking a kiss.

“I know, I’m messing with ya” Moony affirmed as she ran her fingers through ENA’s hair. ENA still looked frustrated.

“Coleslaw is so gross” she whined quietly.

“I’m sorry, I won’t make that joke again. I won’t fuck up the order” Moony reassured her again, giving ENA a squeeze before sliding out from underneath her.

“Do you want to come with me?” She offered. ENA shook her head no.

“I’m a little tired” She explained. Moony thought she hear a quiver in her girlfriend’s voice but brushed it off. She had been so productive and energetic lately, it made sense she was tired. Right?

“Okay, I’ll be right back,” Moony said in a hushed voice while giving ENA’s hair a ruffle. She smiled at her, and it was weak again. She must be really tired.

As soon as the door closed behind Moony, ENA felt like she was going to dissolve into thin air. She was alone for the first time since she had come home from the hospital. Moony had looked so scared every time she came to visit her. It made ENA feel so bad, so she was doing her best to not let the gray show.

But she had a lot of gray in her still. And she wasn’t sure if the daily code patches helped, not like she could remember to take them regularly anyway. But as long as she didn’t worry Moony like that again, she felt like everything would be fine. 

With a heavy feeling in her chest, she slid down to the floor, Tears prickled in her eyes. It was so hard to keep all the gray in all the time. But she didn’t have to now. Moony wasn’t around to get worried, or worse, upset. 

ENA buried her head in her hands and let slip a small sob. She didn’t know why she was crying, there rarely seemed to be a reason for these feelings. More tears poured from her eyes, and she began to shake with the effort of trying to hold back more sobs. She wasn’t strong enough, and curled into a ball; sobbing into her knees. She could feel her head starting to pound and her face getting puffy, but she couldn’t stop crying no matter how hard she tried.

“Oh no no no no no no nooo” she whined, feeling herself glitch out. Her world went gray, all she could feel was the waves of emotion battering her from inside her heart. She was vaguely aware of how loud she was being- surely every neighbor on the floor could hear her sadness crystal clear- but her emotions were too loud for her to hear.  Giving up trying to contain herself, she gripped the carpet; terrified that her hands would try to do something terrible again if she let go. 

The faint muffled sobbing sound rendered Moony frozen in place as soon as she stepped out of the elevator. She hadn’t heard a cry like that since the incident. The freeze-thawed, and Moony began moving before she was even cognizant of it. The takeout bag slipped from her hands, its contents splattering over the hallway. It didn’t matter to Moony. Anything could be fixed unless it was her being too late.

Her hands were shaking so bad she struggled to get the door open, her anxiety rising every time her trembling fingers failed to grasp the doorknob. Finally, mercifully, it opened. She burst through, slamming the door behind her. 

She almost ran into the living room where she laid eyes on ENA, completely robbed of color, crouched on the floor sobbing uncontrollably. She didn’t seem to notice Moony. Brain still searing in panic Moony scanned the room, looking for anything that could be risky. There was nothing dangerous around. She was still here. Moony’s brain flicked to the next step. Leaving ENA for a moment she almost ran to the bathroom. None of the bottles were out of place.

Wait.

None of the bottles were out of place, and there were a few pixels of dust building up on ENA’s medications. Moony’s gaze slid over to her pill organizer. It was completely untouched. Every single pill sat in the same slots Moony had placed them in five days ago. A tinge of guilt crept up on her, she should have noticed this. But she pushed it away, feeling shitty about herself wasn’t going to help either of them right now. 

Moony returned to the living room and kneeled next to where her girlfriend lay crouched on the floor. Wordlessly, she began rubbing ENA’s back, her gentle touches becoming slowly firmer until ENA’s sobs began to falter.

“I’m right here” she reassured in a hushed voice. “I’m here, you’re safe” she continued cooing until ENA was still, save for some lingering hiccuping sobs. She was still gray and faceless, her input and outputs were on lowest possible power. 

“Can you send me a signal if it’s okay to move you to the bed?” Moony asked.  ENA nodded weakly. Tenderly, Moony slid her arms around ENA’s torso and lifted her into the air. She wrapped her legs around her waist as Moony carried her to the bedroom. 

Moony released her into the pillowy mattress. Normally her bright colors would pop against the gray comforter Moony insisted on, but she almost blended into the bed. 

“Do you want me to change you into something more comfortable?” Moony queried. ENA nodded again. Careful not to brush against any areas that might upset ENA more, Moony removed her skirt and shirt. Then, as if she were applying bandages to someone with grievous physical wounds, Moony slipped on an extra soft, large shirt over ENA’s head, and pulled it down to her thighs. Moony flopped on the bed next to her. She ran her hands through ENA’s silky black hair, it flowed between her fingers like water.

“I’m not mad, but I noticed you missed your patches,” she said softly after a while.. ENA turned on her side and curled uptight as if she was trying to hide. 

“I’m not mad” Moony reassured, pressing down her desire to make jokes to comfort herself. “I’m worried, I don’t want you to get sick again” she continued. ENA loosened her frame a little bit, and Moony took the opportunity to snake her arm around ENA’s waist and pull her close. Both of them relaxed, pressed so close against the other it seemed they might clip into each other.

Cautiously, ENA wrapped her hand around Moony’s.

“I love you too” Moony replied to ENA’s silent statement. The two of them stayed intertwined for a while, completely still until ENA turned around in Moony’s arm.

“What do you want?” Moony queried, forgetting for a moment that ENA was incapable of speech. But there were lots of ways to talk without words. ENA pressed the bottom half of her expressionless face against Moony’s mouth and pressed her pelvis against Moony’s as well.

“Are you sure?” Moony checked in. ENA cradled Moony’s face in her hands and enthusiastically nodded yes.

“Alright, stop me if you want” Moony whispered, pressing her mouth to the bottom of ENA’s face again. 

Moony’s hands wrapped around ENA’s thighs, her thumbs massaging circles on the inner polygons as they moved up. She kept her eyes on ENA, watching for signs of discomfort. Eventually, she reached the end of ENA’s thighs. Moony hooked a finger in the waistband of ENA’s underwear and pulled down her boyshorts with a single motion. Pushing up the oversized shirt left ENA completely exposed. Pulling ENA in even closer with her free arm, Moony ran a finger up her slit and pressed gently at the top. She felt ENA press into her fingers, trying to get more stimulation.

“Good girl” Moony praised, her finger sliding into ENA’s folds and softly stroking along that bundle of nerves. ENA threw her head back and shivered in a silent moan. A gray hand reached out and stroked the curve of Moony’s chest tentatively.

“It’s alright” Moony commented, not stopping her slow stroking. ENA cupped Moony’s chest, the half-face on the back of her hand carrying a relaxed expression as she began kneading. Moony sighed, relishing the gentle touch. 

Moony uncurled another finger and dipped both of them inside of ENA, running her thumb on the underside of ENA’s clit, where it was most sensitive. She began trembling as soon as Moony began sliding her fingers in and out.

“There ya go” Moony purred, slightly curling the fingers that were almost knuckle deep in ENA. Moony twisted her hand back and forth slightly, grinning as she felt ENA twitch around her. She kept fucking and stroking ENA, pulling her in tighter every time she spasmed with impending climax. It did not take long until they were so tight together it was hard for Moony to tell who began where.

ENA stiffened up, and clenched tightly around Moony’s fingers. Moony kept her fingers still inside ENA, but continued to rub circles around her clit until her body finally slackened.

“Feel better?” Moony asked, reaching over to the bedside table for the pack of wipes. ENA nodded, and relaxed into the bed as Moony cleaned her off. Satisfied ENA was clean enough for until she was feeling better, Moony resumed her position of being wrapped around ENA. 

“Good” Moony whispered “Can you do something for me?” she asked.ENA nodded again.

“Tell me when you’re not doing well, before it gets like this” She pleaded, trying to not let the edge of fear and sadness cut through the stillness of her voice, “and I need you- you need you to ENA-use the codepatches.” she pressed on. ENA reached back, her arm coming slightly off-axis as she comfortingly rubbed up and down Moony’s side. “I’m going to start reminding you, even if I annoy the shit out of you” Moony continued on. 

“Thank you,” ENA said weakly. The gray had gone, and her colors had returned “I’m so sowry” she sniffed, “I don’t want to be broken like this, I know I’m hard to love” her voice was shaky, barely getting around the lump in where her throat should be.  Moony couldn’t stop but hold back laughter.

“Loving you is easy, you goof, even when you’re sad” Moony chuckled.